1. You see an attractive woman in a bar. What do you say to her?

"Whip me, beat me, make me write bad checks!"
"Woman? What Woman?"
"I've lusted in my heart for you."
"Sorry. I'm not looking for Miss Right, just Miss Right Now."


2. Your car has a flat tire. What do you do?

Go to your friend's house, and take his car without him knowing it. If he misses work, that's his problem.
Be thankful you didn't waste any energy today.
Blame it on the Yankee imperialist running dogs.
It's not the tire that's the problem. It's the fact that someone stole all the highways.
Well, one flat tire is OK, but if all four are flat, I'll be really mad!
Of course the tire went flat! How can anyone trust something that is built so simplistically?


3. Someone stole your wallet! What do you do?

Wallet? I haven't lost my--HEY!
Well, I should be mad, but the pickpocket was such a nice guy.
You think he would have at least roughed me up a bit. What a letdown.
No big deal. They didn't take my wallet. They took my grandmother's wallet. I lifted it from her purse before I left this morning.
Well, there goes my cheese money for the week.


4. What is the worst social faux pas can someone commit?

Singing "God Bless America" in a public place.
Calling someone a liar when they lie to you.
Being "divisive".
Faux pas? What's that?


5. You've just won the lottery! What do you do with the money?

Donate most of it to my worst enemy, so he'll like me.
A new pair of glasses. And some fix-a-flat.
Flash the money all around town, and tick off all my friends.
Build a giant complex that serves absolutely no purpose.
Lots of bedsheets, preferably white ones. You never know when they'll come in handy.


6. Who is your favorite professional wrestler?

The Iron Sheik
Ravishing Rick Rude
Irving R. Scheister(IRS)
The no-name guy who gets pinned every Saturday.
I don't have a favorite. I like the referee.
Isn't professional wrestling too violent?


7. If you had your own saying, what would it be?

"I have some energy saving tips for you."
"See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil, but mainly see no evil"
"I'm as useful as a sack of hair"
"Use 'em, then lose 'em."
"Yes it hurts, and yes I deserved it."
"Being simple is hard. Being complex is easy."





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