No Replacement For Displacement

Twerpocracy

This is a post I made on a news forum a few months back. It is just as relevant now as it was then in fact, even moreso, now that the EU has created the world's most incompetent superhero:

Having heard and read so much about the EU these days, I tried to figure out exactly what sort of government the EU was. First, I thought the EU was a democracy. But with the rotating president du jour(tomorrow, I think either Luxembourg or San Marino gets a turn), a strange and enormous bureaucratic institutions built even before the first election, the insistence on the metric system, and a currency that has the pictures of non-existent buildings, I thought to myself, surely the EU isn't a democracy, but a bureaucracy. And indeed, the EU does have the requisite attributes of a bureaucracy: pie in the sky policies with no grounding in reality, strange and arcane rules covering every aspect of human behavior, and a real fond desire of regulations that seem to have been created by the combined LSD induced bad trips of Grateful Dead followers. (such as the regulations on leek sizing)

Finally, it struck me. The EU isn't a democracy, and it isn't a bureaucracy. The EU is a new form of government, the Twerpocracy. What other form of government than a twerpocracy would insist on forcing the metric systen down everyone's throat. "No, you can't order a pint here, you have to order approximately .49 litres of beer." Who else but a twerp would make such a law? What else but a twerpocracy would be composed entirely of limp-wristed nancy-boys who kiss the butt of any tinhorn dictator or mad mullah that crosses their path, and place more importance on the weighty issues of leek sizing than on their own defense?

Then take a look at what happens to the EU government when they encounter a non-twerp like Donald Rumsfeld. The entire EU establishment gets a case of the feminine vapors upon even seeing the image of Rummy, let alone hearing him speak. The entire EU establishment then goes running to Colin Powell, thinking he is a fellow twerp(because he's been nice to all the twerpocrats), and now are in a complete tizzy because, horror of horrors, they found out that Colin wasn't a twerp, but only plays one on TV.

Like all true Twerps, the twerpocrats in the EU complain endlessly about George Bush, and consider Donald Rumsfeld "simplistic", as opposed to their black turtleneck wearing sophistication. However, anyone who has seen a twerp in action know that this is standard operating procedure for the Twerp, who envies the captain of the football team for dating the hottest cheerleader. As a defense mechanism, he proclaims loudly that the captain of the team is a "simpleton", even though the "sophisticated" twerp still ain't gettin' any. Let's face it, while Rummy is well on his way to being People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive as well as making the cover of Tiger Beat, Chris Patten and Javier Solana would have a tough time getting action in a women's prison.

Finally, the EU seems to have that incredible twerpy knack for sympathizing with anyone who kicks sand in their faces at the beach. I would call them more twerpy than the 98 pound weakling in a Charles Atlas ad, but that would be doing a disservice to the 98 pound weakling.(Oops, I'm sorry, make that 44.46 kilo weakling). At least the 98 lb(44.46kg) weakling *gets mad* that sand was just kicked in his face. To the EU twerpocrat, it just means that he hasn't taken the time to find the "root causes" of why the beach bully has kicked sand in his face and taken his girlfriend, much in the same way Robert Fisk believes he was being mugged to express islamofascist frustration.

So I salute the EU. Just when one would have thought that all the major forms of government had been invented. Totalitarianism, Fascism, Communism, Autocracy, Democracy, Republic, the EU has come up with something new and revolutionary, the Twerpocacy. Congratulations, EU!